The Perfect Boy

            Dating prospects have a variety of physical features, mental stimulants, petty attributes, and hidden intentions. Most females go through a series of boyfriends during the course of their lives and are quite familiar with the four major categories of men available on the dating circuit. These four major types are Rough Tough, Next Door, Super Dork, and Freak Boy.
            The Rough Tough guy will always be the first male in the room to catch a girl’s attention. He furnishes good looks and sports a stylish haircut that falls in league with the general trend of society. He is always well-dressed and is aware that he impresses women. Mentally, this Rough Tough guy is not very appealing. Most women’s interests will not match his unless they are into sports, gambling, or beer guzzling. He does not fancy politics or art, and his education is often limited to two years of college or technical school. Rough Tough makes his way straight to the easy money so that he can afford the luxuries he believes he needs in life. This leads us into his petty attributes. They are large and range as far as his paycheck will stretch. He owns the latest model car with as many cylinders as he can afford to put in it. His cell phone is always in his possession. Quite often it is more important to him than his physical relationships. If it rings, the girl he is physically talking to will discover that she is the one being put on hold until the conversation on the phone has finished. Rough Tough’s intentions are never hidden. He proudly displays them on the kitchen table, making it blatantly obvious what type of woman a girl is  simply by being with him. Rough Tough is in the relationship simply for the bedroom gymnastics involved . Commitment is the bug spray that will send him away, and he makes sure that a girl is aware of it from the get go. If a girl is interested in this type of man, she must be strong enough to stomach his ego.
            The Next Door guy is the type that doubles as a best friend as well as a love interest. Quite often he simply starts out in the seat next to a girl, but then he slowly warms his way into her heart. He is a clean-cut young man, though he may lack style and confidence. Most of his clothes are ordered on-line from Bugle Boy Products by his mother or given to him as Christmas presents. His education is limited only by his desire to continue it. Generally the Next Door guy can be seen in pursuit of a Bachelor’s degree. In the grand tradition of making his parents proud, he might continue to pursue a Master’s with a minor in music on the side. He favors coffee houses and independent film theaters; however, his petty attributes are limited. The Next Door guy does not normally come from a rich family. The vehicle he drives is often second hand with an air freshener hanging off the rearview mirror and animal pattern chair covers to clash with the box-like exterior. A cell phone is something that he would not even desire to possess, and to live in excess is not a trait that he displays, although he may splurge on the occasional road trip with his friends. Next Door’s intentions are often pinned on the sleeve of his shirt for the whole world to witness. He forms relationships for the simple beauty of being involved with the girl he considers to be his most cherished friend. If a girl is interested in this type of man, she should be cautious in pursuing his heart: she might just have it far longer than she originally planned.
            The Super Dork type is usually the unseen detour on the highway of life. Few girls intend to fall for this particular kind of man. His looks are not extraordinary, nor is he charming. He is usually too scrubbed up for his own good. Most of his shirts are starched, and his hair is neatly smoothed down from constant combing. He is so concerned with hygiene that the strong scent of Lysol lingers on his clothes. Super Dork is intrigued by bug collections and science fiction conventions. Geology and Astronomy are some of his favorite studies and pastimes. As far as education goes, his is the shiniest mind in class. His kind belongs in the fictional land of Ivy League students where they row boats for fun and do logarithms for exercise. No educational document is out of his reach, and he knows it. A Master’s is the least that he will settle for. Super Dork usually comes from a well-to-do family where intelligence seems to be genetic. He could live in excess if he wanted to, but without a large range of friends to waste his money on it seems pointless. The vehicle he drives is the latest economic four-door model on the market. This expensive sweet sixteen gift comes with an unlimited Shell card and cell phone, all furnished by his parents in an attempt to take safety measures with their teenage investment. Super Dork’s intentions usually match his date’s. He may have his own desires, but they are usually eclipsed by her presence; thus he will alter them to fit hers. All she needs to do is ask. If a girl is interested in this type of man, then she should go ahead and purchase the Princess Leia outfit from the costume shop. She is definitely going to need it.
            The Freak Boy type poses as one of the lost boys from Never Never Land. He does not quite grasp the concept of growing up. Although he may possess the ability to attract women with his childish charm, he cannot keep them from deeming him an annoyance once they have gotten over his antics. Most of his wardrobe consists of T-shirts advertising his favorite bands. His jeans have holes, his hair has spikes, and he is prone to tattoos and piercings. He carries around a lunch box instead of a backpack, eats junk food between classes instead of a meal, and does not consider college a pastime worth consideration. Freak Boy often ends up spending his free time playing backup for a band or downing shots at his favorite club rather than studying for a midterm. If he makes a feeble investigation into the world of higher education, it is only to prove his theory that the world is pumping out clones into corporate society. However, Freak Boy is quick to find his way into the job market; he needs to afford his good times and his trashed-out car. Freak Boy does not normally come from a run-of-the-mill nuclear family. Something or someone is often missing, and the end result is the lost boy who pretends not to be lost at all. All of his possessions are far less than luxurious. If he does splurge on an expensive instrument, it is the cell phone that binds him to the rest of the freaks: he needs to know where the next party is, or the schedule for next week’s band practice. Freak Boy’s intentions are to build a relationship to replace the one missing in his family, but his childish antics often ruin what could be a good thing. If a girl is interested in this type of man, she should build up a tolerance for dirty clothes on the floor and mold on the kitchen counter. He may want her to be his mother, only not in the most direct way. 
            In conclusion, dating prospects can be separated into four major categories. These categories assist in depicting the appropriate mate by examining the mixed qualities of physical features, mental stimulants, petty attributes, and hidden intentions. Rough Tough, Next Door, Super Dork, and Freak Boy are examples of the sorts of men whom women sample when traveling the dating circuit. If a woman is not aware of what she is looking for, she will simply be going in circles, completely frustrated because no boy seems to be perfect. The horrible truth is that no boy is perfect. By examining these four categories of men, however, a woman has a much better chance of depicting which type she would be most compatible with. That is the first step towards true happiness—­­and a way to eliminate all the drama in between. 

—Margaret Ybarra     

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